The Television Personalities live at Janey's Bay Hotel (Gourock) - 22 July 1984

A few miles away from the Onion Cellar ;-)



Set list:
• Silly Things Lovers Do
• Three Wishes
• Silly Girl
• Miracles Take Longer
• A Picture of Dorian Gray
• I Know Where Syd Barrett Lives
• Painter Man
• Someone To Share My Life With
• Part Time Punks
• David Hockney's Diaries / Medley
• Wouldn't It Be Good [Nik Kershaw]
• Anarchy In The UK [Sex Pistols]
• She Loves You [The Beatles]
• Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Sun [Pink Floyd]
• I'm Waiting For The Man [Velvet Underground]
• Sister Ray [Velvet Underground]
• I Can See For Miles [The Who]
• Two Tribes [Frankie Goes To Hollywood]
• This Charming Man [The Smiths]
• Love On Your Side [The Thompson Twins]
• Wild Thing [The Troggs]
• Roadrunner [Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers]
• 96 Tears [? and the Mysterians]
• Helter Skelter [The Beatles]
• Don't You Want Me [Human League]
• You Think You're A Man [Divine]
• High Energy [Evelyn Thomas]
• Away From The Numbers [The Jam]

Note: The medley is unusual in that it passes through the typical 'classic rock' territory and playfully includes snatches of then contemporary chart hits.

At the end of the recognised covers, the music continues with Dan's amusing lyrics sounding half-improvised.

These are reproduced in full here:

“Boys and girls go home to bed
Listen to what your mother said
I love you, you love me
Why am I so unhappy?
God helps those who help themselves
So help yourselves from the shelves
I say my prayers I say amen
I wish that we were Echo and the Bunnymen
Aren't they cool? Yeah
And Frankie Goes to Hollywood
I wish I could
And if I could I'd sit on your bed
I'd watch your TV
I'd sit on your knee
You could fondle me for a moderate fee
She asked me if she could paint me nude
I thought that was a little bit rude
I often see her taking her Alsatian for a walk
She's a funny girl she's teaching it how to talk
And I'm a boy and you're a girl
So let's go to bed
I look in a mirror and what do I see?
Beautiful me
Most of all I want to be in David Hockney diaries
Most of all I want to be in Howard Jones's diary
I'd be as happy as could be”

Many thanks to Michael Conway for this information.

Here are his recollection of that day.

1984 - An introduction to the Television Personalities... Echo and the Bunnymen. Frankie goes to Hollywood. 'The Tube' on a Friday night. 1984 was a good year to be a seventeen-year-old shipyard apprentice. As the world's greatest Jam fan losing interest in the Style Council, something hit me on Sunday, 22nd July 1984. Sure, I passed my crash-course in cool sixties music like The Action, John's Children, The Creation and The Birds courtesy of older friends, but what I saw that Sunday evening blew me away.

I was encouraged by friends to turn up at the Janey's venue at The Bay Hotel, Gourock that evening. I had no idea what was in store. Previously someone taped me 'Part Time Punks' and 'Geoffrey Ingram' - that was all I'd heard. I hadn't even paid much attention to those tracks, dismissing them as 'jokey'.

The three figures appeared on the platform (not a stage). First impressions were that Dan was the shy one, Jowe the funny one and Jeff the quiet one. Dan looked good strumming his Vox Teardrop guitar. The opening comment went as follows "We'd like to play a selection of jazz numbers for you ...this is a jazz one!"

They played ten songs that evening, opening with the amazing 'Silly Things Lovers Do' (which I've never been able to track down).

The TVPs chatted with and gently poked fun at their audience. Painter Man - "this is an old Boney M song!", "...we'd like to carry on with an old Nik Kershaw song now!" or "This is our last number one hit single!". I think Dan must have been surprised at the age profile "You're all very young, aren't you!". Or providing many camp comments like "This is for ex-wife ...or ex-boyfriend" and "...so many girls here".

The set list was as follows:

o Silly Things Lovers Do
o Three Wishes
o Silly Girl
o Miracles Take Longer
o A Picture of Dorian Gray
o I Know Where Syd Barrett Lives
o Painter Man
o Someone to Share My Life With
o Part Time Punks
o David Hockney's Diaries

Looking back, I feel that is the best collection of tracks the TVPs could ever have played live, so it ranks as my very favourite TVPs live show.

From the cool 'Picture of Dorian Gray' to the emotional 'Miracles Take Longer' and 'Someone To Share My Life With' I instantly took a liking to TVPs on first sight back in 1984. They upgraded (at that time) 'Part Time Punks' to include references to the Dead Kennedys, The Smiths (..."they've got £3.50 - to go and see The Smiths ...tonight - here they come..."), New Model Army and Anti-Pasti (sounds more than a little dated now!)

The best came last. 'David Hockney's Diaries' I had never heard before. Cutting and pasting lyrics from about 101 cool (and some not so cool) songs together was something I'd never heard before. I was fascinated to hear bits of The Who, Velvet Underground, Pink Floyd, The Beatles, Sex Pistols, Jonathan Richman and Them laced into a wonderful medley. All in all, I had a great night, my first night as a seventeen-year-old fan of the Television Personalities.

I raced home to tell everyone what they'd missed!

(with sincere thanks to Davy Ritchie for a lifetime of musical inspiration)

You may find more on the wonderful Television Personalities website 😉

http://www.televisionpersonalities.co.uk/memories/conway.htm